“By striving to be the best student, worker, spouse or partner, mother, friend, homemaker, hostess and more, you’ve succeeded at only one thing – setting yourself up to fall short in multiple roles. “
- Dr. Valerie Young
Whew! I read this quote a few weeks ago by Dr. Valerie Young and it resonated on a deep core level. It resonated so deeply with me because it is so easy for me to feel exhausted. Exhausted from trying to fulfill every role and identity I embody to the highest degree.
Photo by Abby Benet on Unsplash
This desire to do everything well, to be efficient, to be good enough, and to be capable can and has served me well in many areas. Yet, It can also cause me to struggle to be present and to be vulnerable.
The basic tenants of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), the modality that I primarily use with my clients, is that our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors/actions are all connected.
Let me show you how this has worked recently for me…
First, a situation happened. I had multiple blog post ideas that I wanted to share on my blog.
Then, my automatic negative thoughts kicked in…
“I do not have the time that I want to devote to making a really awesome blog post.
My post needs to be the best it can be.”
When I had that thought, I had feelings of overwhelm, defeat, and discouragement.
Then, my behavior was to not follow through on posting ANY of my blog ideas.
Photo by @anthonytran on Unsplash
Once aware of the connection between our unhelpful thoughts, feelings, and behaviors, we can begin explore strategies to find a middle ground and to identify more helpful coping strategies. For me, that has looked like adjusting my thought to something more helpful such as
“It is okay to make a blog post that is less than A+ level work.
It is okay to be vulnerable.
Sometimes done is better than perfect.”
This results in me feeling hopeful, proud, and maybe still a little overwhelmed but to a lesser degree.
Finally, my action is to post a blog post, this blog post.
Photo by @ambreenhasan on Unsplash
Now, perfect or not, I have actually succeeded at one thing, the thing I set out to do.
Struggling with perfectionism and unrealistic expectations is a constant battle.
If you’re exhausted from trying to excel at everything and wanting to feel good enough and capable, I can help! I can help you identify patterns and strategies in your life keeping you stuck so that you can address them and move forward.
Schedule an initial phone consultation with me here.